Perry with her trademark cat's milk smile alongside fat lactating feline
Legendary DJ and ‘dentist to the stars’ joins Tears for Queers tonight at 8ish for unprecedented party mayhem at the George and Dragon, 2 Hackney Road, London.
In a bizarre revelation, pop star Katy Perry has revealed the secret behind her incandescent million-dollar smile: cat’s milk. Perry claims her teeth transformed almost overnight from a dank, tarred brown to their current brilliance after she took unorthodox advice from an elusive dentist/DJ. The famous dentist, whose identity is unknown but whose clients include countless celebrities, instructed the California Gurls star to whiten her nashers by drinking cat’s milk direct from the cat. “You gotta get it right from the teat”, said Perry.
The glamorous dentist/DJ is renowned amongst the world’s rich and famous who will do anything to uncover her identity and join her select clientèle. However, the eminent clinician/entertainer only treats patients she herself chooses, rendering their tireless efforts futile. Madonna and Robert Mugabe are just two leading figures reported to be “devastated” by their failure to get themselves among the chosen few while several villages across the Sudan have benefited from the elusive molar-maniac’s little reported humanitarian work.
Originally from Galicia in Spain, the bewitching clinician is as famous for her film star good looks as her pioneering, if unorthodox, orthodontic advice. Yet it is her emergence as a leading DJ that is perhaps most surprising. She is famed across the planet for the potency of her anthemic party selections. It is only natural then that she should join forces with Tears for Queers tonight for an unprecedented frenzy of feelgood houseparty hits.
Pilar Bardem: "As a woman, a patient and music aficionado, I cannot describe the pride and joy I feel today knowing the dentist is joining Tears for Queers tonight at the George and Dragon from 8ish. Fiesta total".
The great and good from across the planet have been quick to laud the pairing. Pilar Bardem, who the mysterious DJ/dentist once advised to chew raccoons for halitosis, this morning declared her joy at hearing the news. “As a woman, a patient and music aficionado, I cannot describe the pride and joy I feel today knowing the dentist is joining Tears for Queers tonight at the George and Dragon from 8ish. Fiesta total”.
Tears for Queers (@tearsforqueers) play a floor shaking selection of party hits the first Friday of every month in notorious London den the George and Dragon, 2 Hackney Road, from 8ish to 12ish for free. Come and shake booty.