Rumours of new Tears for Queers cell send hot pant sales soaring in NYC

The Panda undercover preparing to launch the New York cell

Sales of hot pants reached record levels in New York this week fuelled by rumours that international party sensation, Tears for Queers, may be forming a cell in the city. A Tears for Queers operative known only as “The Panda” and famed for her sensational legs in hot, hot pants is expected to arrive stateside within a week.

Tears for Queers were unavailable for comment this week as they are simultaneously leading efforts to liberate Yemen and invent a entirely new kind of sandwich. That has not stopped New Yorkers from going hotpant crazy however.

Hathaway: punched full force in the face by Jane Fonda over crump slur

A frenzied Mariah Carey was seen wrestling David Duchovny to the ground in the new hotpant zone of Bloomingdale’s. Jane Fonda punched Anne Hathaway full force in the face when the younger starlet claimed The Panda was set to crump in her lounge. The cast of Gossip Girl are stepping up their efforts to tempt The Panda to join the show as the new CEO of Bass Enterprises.

All that is known for certain is that Tears for Queers are back at the George & Dragon tonight, Saturday 14 June, for a bonus night of sweaty, euphoric party hits to move your feet and shake your ass.

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